


all for yourself

by sunwon



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, idk what to tag this honestly, just a lot of angst, plain sad i wrote it at 4am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28328964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunwon/pseuds/sunwon
Summary: chanhee didn't realize a lot of things
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Sunwoo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	all for yourself

chanhee was afraid of a lot of things. horror movies. spiders. loud noises. when people were holding scissors too close to his face. change. 

he wasn’t really afraid of it - he just didn’t like it. whenever someone moved something on his shelves he would make this slightly annoyed face; everything had to be the same, always, it was just easier this way. 

chanhee wasn’t afraid of love either. he just knew, for all he knew, that love made everything change, was it good or bad. it put smiles on people’s face and tears in their eyes, made their face brighter on good days and darker when things didn’t go well. it made you let another person enter in your life without you knowing when they would leave it, when they would become a stranger again. 

he didn’t realize at first.  
he didn’t realize those secret glances became more and more frequent, the smile on his face widening as the days passed or even how his face seemed brighter, his eyes holding all the emotions in the world. 

he did realize, when secret glances became stolen kisses and timid smiles turned into giggles in the dark of the night, when it was only them, when everything felt right. when his heart pounded so much it felt like it could pierce his chest, when he felt this love in every of his limb - so much that it almost scared him. how this face seemed to fit so well in the cup of his hand, how those lips were sculpted to kiss his neck. 

how it felt like he was meant to fall in love with sunwoo and to love him with all he had.

sunwoo felt like summer days and snowy nights. he felt like late night talks and shared secrets. sunwoo’s favorite color was yellow, like the sun, like his name, and he laughed everytime he told it. sunwoo liked sunrises better than sunsets because he loved the idea of the world waking up in front of him. sunwoo always closed his eyes when he laughed. always forgot where he put his keys. he always talked too loud but was always here to listen to his friends, he’d never answer texts but would catch a call in a second. sunwoo liked making breakfast, and flowers, and people smiling, he liked mornings and horror movies, he wasn’t afraid of spiders and was louder than any noise. 

and sunwoo loved chanhee, and he always answered his texts. 

chanhee didn’t realize when he fell in love. he didn’t realize when he fell out of it. 

maybe it was when he started nodding to the « i love you »s because answering didn’t feel right. maybe it was when he started pretending he was on his phone when sunwoo held his hand. maybe it was when he stopped looking him in the eyes because all the love he saw in it scared him - because it didn’t feel right anymore, because there wasn't any in his own eyes. 

maybe was it when he answered to his texts less and less, wanted to see him less and less, thought about him less and less. 

when the happiness he felt hearing sunwoo’s voice turned into annoyance, when the sole mention of his name made him want to sigh. when he wanted to tell him to stop being so loud, stop losing his keys, stop doing everything he did, being everything he once liked. when thinking about him became some sort of bitter feeling that made his heart ache and made him want to cry and hearing his laugh made him feel this exasperation lingering in his throat that made him want to scream. that’s when the stolen kisses turned into loud arguments and giggles into painful tears and chanhee couldn't look anymore at the boy that once hung the stars.

he did realize sunwoo’s smile disappearing and the light in his eyes fading.

or maybe was it when he told him that they needed to talk. sunwoo didn’t want to. he knew already, he just didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want it to be real.  
it was maybe when chanhee told him that they should stop doing this, they should stop pretending. it was definitely when he told sunwoo he didn’t love him anymore. 

« i’m sorry i couldn’t make you keep loving me »  
that’s when sunwoo started crying.  
« i wish i could still love you »  
that’s when they became strangers again.


End file.
